THE RACCOON

is shaved

in case you were wondering

john flansburgh is a raccoon

"“There’s a lot of raccoons and possums breeding in the back alley behind the property. The raccoons will actually come and knock these plants into the water."
- john linnell, here, of course referring to john flansburgh

this is the paw of a raccoon (source)

it is terrifying and large

much like the hands of one john flansburgh.

animal communication

flansburgh in 2011, channelling the spirits of his raccoon brethren using a secret technique only known to members of the species Procyon lotor. flansburgh has obviously tricked bandmate john linnell into joining the communication (it is household knowledge that this increases the strength of the mind-waves), evidenced by flansburgh's sneaky grin. linnell is clearly confused and uncomfortable with the nonhuman relationships flans is involved in. also note that he is growing out his raccoon hair, especially around the chin and upper lip, ceasing to hide his animalistic qualities.

the latest

"Flans can asexually reproduce, unfortunately his raccoon offspring die once they reach full term and emerge from the womb chin." - Lauren

check it out

SIMILAR

list of facts

• FACT: "raccoon" comes from a native american word meaning "water bear"
• FACT: john flansburgh is chubby and fat, and has a short stubby tail like a bear
• FACT: john flansburgh is known for being a swimmer (he shaves his limbs, yo), and therefore enjoys exposure to water
• FACT: these things are not coincidental.

reminder

john flansburgh is a raccoon, not a person

questions

THE REAL ANSWER: a raccoon.
it should also be noted that wombats bear some resemblance to raccoons.

incidents

without any sort of prompting, some chick named Fiona drew this 

LOOKS PRETTY COONISH, NO?

today's image courtesy of a person

John Flansburgh

a raccoon.

raccoon tastes like chicken 

john flansburgh - also resembling a chicken in taste

coincidence?

no. 

(raccoon noises)

a few minor modifications to the iconic screen-capture of flansburgh

the facts

raccoons are known to carry rabies
john flansburgh is the author of a song entitled "rabid child"

clearly this is a lament over his biting some poor young girl, thus diseasing/killing her, then talking about it with his buds on the CB.

comparative illustration by krista

insider information

(8:36:43 PM) Lekker: well I'm not sure, because I've held the man's hand, and I can safely say his hand does [...] feel like a raccoon's paw